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Virgin Hotline
The Virgin Hotline, a sort of telephone support group designed to keep virgin/celibate teens from "taking the plunge" and having sex, appears in the Season 9 episode entitled "Dial "B" for Virgin". As part of a college class assignment project, Bud is enlisted to take part in some sort community service work for extra credit. Bud, who was hoping to get assigned to the "Save the Brazilian Rainforest", when asked by "Why?", Bud responds, "What do you care? I wanted to see naked women from Rio", as Al replies, "Well, you can do that during wet gaucho night at the nudie bar!" as Bud then says, "Well, the Brazilian course got filled by the football team so they assigned me to the only charity they had left open." Kelly and Jefferson, who both got wind of Bud's involvement in the Hotline service, both rubbed it in, as they both poke fun at his involvement in it, as Jefferson sings the Hotline jingle which was heard on local radio "Let me see, how did it go? If you're a virgin With hormones surging Keep on your undies And call Bud Bundy! "Virgin Hotline...that's catchy." The head of the "support" group, a Miss Hardaway (Beverly Archer), who, at about the age of 40-something, is also "saving herself" for marriage, tries to explain to Bud "They don't realize that we can have just as much fun as they do while remaining vertical, with our toes uncurled and the saliva of our passions held firmly in our proud, unsullied mouths. And there are so many more exciting things to do besides having sex. Have you ever felt the soft down of a newborn baby duck? Ever collect little ceramic unicorns?" Among the few calls Bud receives are two "Crank calls" from Kelly, whom, at first, disguises herself as "Isis J. Blowup Doll", as she says "My boyfriend, Bud, hasn't been able to keep his hands off me ever since I came out of the box. Now, should I try to stay firm or just explode and go to pieces?"'' as Bud responds ''"Very funny, Kel, but don't let me keep you. I'm sure the trucker paid for the whole hour!" As a hotline operator/at-call counselor, the first and only call he receives is from an Esther, a teen girl who calls for help after she's tempted to "take the plunge" and have sex for the first time after turning the TV on and watching the Billy character from Melrose Place take his shirt off. After Bud arrives at her home, he has to "talk her down", to keep her mind off of sex, as one of the activities they engage in is a game of Yahtzee as it gets him thinking about sex with her, as he spells out T-A-K-E H-E-R! Bud's brief career as a Virgin Hotline operator is a "success", as he, with his reluctance, keeps Esther from giving into her desire to have sex, as her mother Judy comes home, and Bud then gets lucky with her, when she offers herself to him in gratitude for counseling her daughter! Category:Organizations Category:Season 9 Category:Bud's enemies